124 days ago i gave birth to this beautiful little girl you see above, and since then i have mostly wonderful days. Wonderful in that my daughter has been in perfect health EVEN for a 24 weeker! I have had the joy of watching her grow over the past 124 days in ways I would not have been able to had she been growing inside of me. I have gotten to know her as an extremely determined little girl - one who succeeds at anything she puts her mind to. And I have come to believe in God's LOVE, KINDNESS, and perfect timing more than ever.
BUT, I have had my days where even though all of the above is true, IT SUCKS BEING HERE THIS LONG!! I have people telling me all of the time how strong they think I am and how wonderful we have been dealing with "this whole thing," but they are not here for the recent moments where I have hit my breaking point. Since my due date, 2 weeks ago today, I have been more than anxious to get Brooklyn out of this one room prison she resides in. (no offense nicu peeps) But alas, the girl is just not that into eating. And eating she must do in order to survive the outdoors. That's it. That's all we're waiting for. Just six measly feedings a day. How hard can it be?!! I have looked for different ways to trick her into taking full feedings, i.e., singing every ridiculous song that was ever written, changing her diaper halfway through the feeding to wake her back up, FORCING her to take her bottle despite her efforts to just sleep - BIG mommy demerits. But alas, she's just not that into it. (for those of you who have seen the movie or read the book you know, if someone is just not into it, you can't force it!) And it's FRUSTRATING!!!! I want to take her home yesterday!!!!
SO, my husband - in his loving way - reminded me today that SHE'S HEALTHY AND THRIVING AND HAPPY!!!! And while I know all of this, my mind has not been focusing on these wonderful things these past two weeks. All I have been thinking of is getting her out of here. My best friend - also lovingly- reminded me of God's PERFECT timing. She reminded me that I had an infection and in JUST THE RIGHT TIME Brooklyn came out - not a moment too soon. Not a moment too late. Had she been just a couple of days earlier, she would not have had the chance to survive. UGHGHGHGH! How quickly I forget this!!!
SO, on day 124, I have decided - thanks to my loving friends and family - to continue to be grateful for each moment I have with this miracle child. Whether it be here in this little hospital room, or at home in our fun new house. Either way I get to be with her whenever I want! So what's the problem?! My focus is going to be on the time I get to spend with her KNOWING SHE WILL ONE DAY LEAVE HERE.
Thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement. We are where we are today because of you all.
Beautiful! I hope you had a Happy Mother's Day!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and anticipating her homecoming! :)
ReplyDeletethank you for your honesty Kelly... continuing to pray for you three.
ReplyDeleteThanks for bearing your heart Kelly. There is just something about about bearing your soul that brings healing. It really helped to read that so I can pray from my mommas heart for you. Love all three of you!
ReplyDeleteAunt Shelly
What a wonderful post. I would love for you to follow my blog! Take care! I really enjoy reading your posts!
ReplyDeleteTrina
www.mommeville.com
Thinking of you Kel, Sean and B sending you lots of love from the Crail family.
ReplyDeletexoxoxo
Hey Kelly. Thanks for sharing. You should know that even us mommies who were blessed with a healthy baby who came full term and got to go home after a few days still have days when we get frustrated with one thing or another. Baby won't stop crying, baby doesn't want to eat, baby pooped out the back and front of her diaper (again), baby spit up on my nice new work clothes, baby thinks 4 a.m. is the perfect time to smile and coo and play-- you get the picture. As much as we want to always be super patient and happy and perfect for our precious angels, we all have moments of frustration, impatience, even anger. And that's just dealing with the "normal" baby stuff. You guys have shown superhuman (God-reinforced!) strength dealing with so many days in NICU prison (I know, I know, you've heard that already, but seriously!). It's probably a good coping mechanism to remind ourselves that our little crazy babies are an amazing blessing from God and be thankful for every moment we have together, but don't beat yourself up too much if you don't always have a smile on your face. I think the tough times are just part of the mommy gig. You are an awesome mommy! Tell Brooklyn I said she needs to get her act together and start eating like a big girl-- there's a huge pile of clothes and baby equipment waiting for her out there in the big blue yonder! :) Praying for you all with love, Michelle
ReplyDeleteI'm following your blog from Norway, and I love reading every single update. You just have to keep your faith in that Brooklyn's coming home soon. This is proof of God's perfect timing, and how he gets is just right sometimes. God is awesome :) I include you in my prayers. I pray that Brooklyn will continue being a fighter, we need people like that in this world! I pray that she'll come home soon, and that you as parents will have the strength to continue focusing on the positives. God bless you, you are truly an amazing family.
ReplyDeleteI've been following your blog since the beginning - my sister knows of you from Boston and thought I'd be interested, since I'm a NICU nurse... I have to say that you are all amazingly blessed - from having such a miracle 24 weeker (and this is more true than you can even imagine), to having such strong strength in God and your family, friends, and each other. Some day, you will look back at these days as a distant memory, one fading into the other, and realize that while this feels like forever, it is but a small moment in the long and happy life you will share with Brooklyn. Bless you and your family, you are an inspiration!
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